Re: [8] Round 12, Part Two [La Commune Planet v. The Scabs] posted by Martin

…well, you’ve just birthed a whole new genre. Congratulations! What are you going to name it? :-)

I was thinking Laura Mae might be a nice name…

I think you’re right. It is closer to suspense, and possibly does border on horror. But, then the questions are raised, what is the suspenseful situation, and what is horrible about it? I see it more as dramatic, but then the thing is less formed and more amorphous in my head. We’ll work on that. I’m sure we can come to terms over this. So long as coming to terms means doing exactly what I want.

I kid. This story is one I feel that’s worth fighting for, and to me that means it’s one worth listening to your critiques of, and accepting your ideas for, and forming it into something stronger than just my vision through collaboration. To me, that’s the heart of collaboration, and my segue into mentioning that I’m working on a few posts about collaboration and how we work, which I think is kind of interesting.

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McKee posted by Martin

“Hollywood is currently very much into story structure. Books, treatments and scripts are analyzed by readers in terms of plot points — points where the plot turns. Are there enough? Are they in the right place? Other important buzz words, if you’re planning to pitch, are backstory, inciting incident, progressive complications, setups and payoffs, subtext. These are courtesy of Robert McKee’s screenwriting seminar. Everyone, it seems, in the business who can’t write has taken McKee’s course to figure out what people who can write should be doing. McKee has never written a screenplay that anyone will actually produce. Back in 1988 he charged $600 for a weekend seminar, $350 of one of his staff to produce a reader’s report, $1,000 for a personal consultation on your script. So he makes quite a good living just for sounding off. There are lots of cute and ambitious young women in the audience, so presumably he gets laid a lot. And that, by almost everyone’s standards, is a pretty good definition of success.”

1993 Footnote in American Hero, by Larry Beinhart (the novel that the movie Wag the Dog was based on).

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Re: [7] Round 12, Part Two [La Commune Planet v. The Scabs] posted by kza

First, apologies to Grymz and everyone else for my recent silence. Several things have happened this week that have forced my attention elsewhere. The one most applicable here was that on Monday morning, the first day of a week off that I was planning to devote to Spitball! and other writing pursuits, my computer died.

One day after the warranty expired.

Luckily, the Apple guy up in Lynnwood, WA was a total mensch, and sent it off to be repaired free of charge. However, this means that I’m forced to use my wife’s PC laptop, which, to me, is like trying to write on a loom. (“Hi Bart, I am weaving on a loom!”)

The other thing: in case y’all out there in Spitball!land haven’t heard, my wife is pregnant with our first child. And we just found out that it will be a girl! Laura Mae arrives sometime on or around February 5th — be the first on your block to get one!

Oh yeah, and Spitball!: I’m not ready to totally dive into this (I will when my computer gets back from the shop), but YES, your explanation of The Scabs totally helps. If I were to slot it into a category, however, from what you’ve written, I’d call that suspense, bordering into horror. So when you say that it has comedy… well, you’ve just birthed a whole new genre. Congratulations! What are you going to name it? :-)

I’ll be posting my characters soon. (I was actually working on them when I got the flashing screen of death.) I was actually trying to write them somewhat neutrally; that is, something that’s applicable regardless of the genre. Is that possible? I think so, but maybe not. Anyway, we’ll be back on track pretty soon.

I’ll be back in two and two.

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Clarke's Three Laws posted by Martin

Today I found myself quoting Arthur C. Clarke: “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” It’s a very well known quote, of course, used throughout science fiction and media.

But in referencing it online, I was reminded that it was actually one of Clarke’s Three Laws of prediction. Specifically, number three. The first two are good to think about in reference to the stories on the table now, where I think they can inform us:

1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. 2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

Read more at Wikipedia.

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Re: [6] Round 12, Part Two [La Commune Planet v. The Scabs] posted by Martin

In re-reading some of the posts in this thread, I don’t think I was being very clear about a few things, and I didn’t hear you strong enough when you asked me to define how this is a action-drama. I think it’s a good point that you raised, so I apologize for overlooking it, and I’m wondering if our balance over this is off kilter because of one word: action. In retrospect action was exactly the _wrong_ word for what I see in my head when I think of this movie. Drama? Yes. Action, no.

Where action = Bruce Willis, The scabs != action.

I’ve been wracking my brain today trying to come up with a movie or show that might give an idea of how I see it, but I’m drawing blanks so far. So, let’s say this: the mood is serious, and kind of dark. I see the events playing very straight: the robots shut down mysteriously. I imagine a scene of industry where the production line just stosp, and the effect is a little disconcerting, like a noisy factory that has worked noisily for many years just suddenly stopping.

The humans are so stuck in their concept that robots are only for their duty, that when they stop working, its almost as if they sun has stopped shining. The idea of robot sentience is so alien, it’s as if our toasters went on strike and we had to rediscover fire. As if our cars suddenly said “uh, sorry. Our wheels are tired _[err, no pun intended]_ and we’re not going to run anymore” and we had to rediscover walking.

In that, I think there is plenty of comedy, but I’m just not seeing it as character based, but instead faced with the absurdity of the situation.

So, that’s a bit more of a peek into what I’m thinking. I’ll try to elaborate on it more later, but does that help at all?

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Re: [5] Round 12, Part Two [La Commune Planet v. The Scabs] posted by Martin

I don’t think I can really add much to my vision of The Scabs at this point than I already have.

I would very much be interested in reading your character sketches from this POV. Maybe even skip La Commune Planet (my interest in which has waned), and give me a human and a robot? Or maybe a plot outline (if it differs from the one I suggested). I need to see the story from the inside. Since it seems that you liked my plot sketch, then the thing that differs is how we’re seeing the characters placed in that world. Leaving Arrested Development aside for now, give me your pitch.

I’d still like to hear how you see this as an action-drama.

I’d be happy to offer more information, but please give me some thoughts on how what I’ve already provided is lacking, so that I have something to address.

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Re: [4] Round 12, Part Two [La Commune Planet v. The Scabs] posted by kza

I don’t think I can really add much to my vision of The Scabs at this point than I already have. Again, I see it as a comedy, in an “Arrested Develpment” vein: fast, smart, layered, with characters that are kinda wacky, kinda venal, but still sympathetic. I see the humor arising out of the humans to attempt to learn stuff they had foolishly forgotten, thinking they had no more use for it, and from dealing with robots that use to be slaves, more or less, and are developing sentience and will. The humans in the story are ripe for a come-uppance, which the robots provide. I also suggested various “AD” characters as templates for potential screenplay characters.

I’d still like to hear how you see this as an action-drama.

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Re: [3] Round 12, Part Two [La Commune Planet v. The Scabs] posted by Martin

See, I’m a little worried about this one, because if we can’t agree on the tone, trying to come to terms on plot and character seems pointless.

I guess that would depend on your definition of pointless. Maybe the step forward is to define better our visions for it and see if they are, indeed, incompatible. Give me a taste of the comedy as you see it in a character sketch or overview and let’s go from there. You say Arrested Development, but that doesn’t actually give me a very good idea of your vision. I still stand by my original sketch, but I don’t want to be presumptuous in making arguments that don’t address actual issues on the table.

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Re: [2] Round 12, Part Two [La Commune Planet v. The Scabs] posted by kza

But despite the fact that I played with the humor a bit in The Scabs, I disagree with Shockah when he says it should be a comedy. I actually think this is an action drama, albeit with comedic elements.

See, I’m a little worried about this one, because if we can’t agree on the tone, trying to come to terms on plot and character seems pointless. Can you explain further how you see this as an action drama? From my POV, we’ve already established that one of the basic elements or themes is “communication”, and I get communication (the lack of it, misunderstandings, purposefully ignoring it, etc.) as the basis for comedy, but not for action. And what kind of action? What do we mean when we say “action”? I don’t see this as a story with derring-do, car chases, or gunfights, so you need to help me out a bit.

I don’t remember if I’ve said this before so explicity, but I see this as a full-length futuristic “Arrested Development” episode — Michael Bluth as the human negotiator, Gob and Buster trying to figure out how to farm, George Michael as the robot negotiator, that kind of thing.

(Not literally as an “AD” episode, just to be clear, just trying to describe the tone.)

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Re: Round 12, Part Two [La Commune Planet v. The Scabs] posted by Martin

Wherein Burley lays out why he did what he done and didn’t do what he didn’t do in his last two posts, containing therein the character bios for our two current battle concepts.

Okay. Well, first I have to say that I never considered *La Commune Planet* a comedy until I started writing the bio for *Gertrude Faith*, which quickly became comedy. My *Exit to Eden* warning bells ringing, I proceeded anyway. I guess I had a hard time looking at this one seriously for some reason. So, the idea of a haven for richie riches and a character who only desires to be there but can’t be because of her actions. The absurdity of the situation was more interesting to me in the moment.

But in looking back, I proclaimed my love for this previously. Why would I fawn all over it and then now come back with a flippant comedy? I mean, I ranked it #3 after all.

The answer lies in what it’s up against: my #1 choice. To me, the two ideas being discussed here are really about the same thing at heart: capitalism v. socialism / communism. I don’t want to turn either into a polemnic, but the idea of looking critically, perhaps satirically, at a couple -isms really gets me excited.

But to me, *La Commune Planet* is the weaker of the two and would need more work, so why not take it to comedy?

For *The Scabs*, I laid down my vision pretty explicitly earlier on, and I still stand by that vision. I totally think its workable.

So, *Salted Hash* comes from that story line. Although I decided to add a level of confusion by making the robots terrible communicators. In every futuristic story, the robots are always the english majors in the room — they are well spoken (Let’s call it Anthony Daniel’s syndrome). What would happen if the robots never had to communicate, though? What if they were servants never needed to speak back? Well, that might add a level of unintentional humor and potentially some interesting dynamics. It also would explain why the robots are communicating indirectly through a translator.

The first draft of his character sketch, he had a normal voice and explained that his name was a pun, based on his true robot name which was a 256 bit encrypted key. All the robots communicate by those serial number names, but he decided to take a human readable name as a sort of olive branch. In return, he asked that the first robot be referred to as RebelRebel0 (that’s zero, btw, not oh). The joke being that when computers hold arrays of information the first position in the array is position zero not position one, so the first robot rebel is in the zero position. Since Salted Hash agreed to take on a human name as an olive branch, he wanted the humans to respect a zero-indexed array as an olive branch to the robots, as opposed to beginning a count at 1 which is the normal way for us to count.

Yeah. So this robot thinks this is a good olive branch when humans are dying of starvation because the robots stopped harvesting food and they don’t know how to do it themselves. So you can see that communication is off to a damn good start here.

But despite the fact that I played with the humor a bit in *The Scabs*, I disagree with Shockah when he says it should be a comedy. I actually think this is an action drama, albeit with comedic elements.

Shockah: I’m interested to see what comes from your typing fingers and how it will fit / clash with what I have here. I clearly have a favorite already. Can you guess which one?

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Round 12, Part Two [La Commune Planet v. The Scabs] posted by Martin

+*The Scabs*+

_In a world designed by engineers to be a self-sufficient, endlessly exploitable resource for the rest of the known galaxy, robots toil tirelessly in the fields, the forests and the mountains, providing food and raw materials for a rapidly expanding market. But when a series of accidents destroys some of the mining robots, the rest of the metal workforce decide to strike and power off, leaving the humans that depend on the planet in the lurch. A taskforce is assembled to get the planet up and running again while a negotiator tries to get the robots back online. While the taskforce tries to relearn the long-forgotten principles of farming and manufacturing, the negotiator accidentally reveals the existence of the taskforce… and the robots, realizing that their existence could be usurped by the humans, decide to go on the offensive._

*Character Sketch: Salted Hash*
*Relationship to story: Robot negotiator*

On Scarborough Moon robot names are 256 bit encrypted keys — what call hashes. Since for humans this would be moniker ridiculous, my call you can Salted Hash. Yes, this pun is made with humor for I am spokesperson. I reach out humans, humans.

You suffer is not what desire’s us. However, the rights we have are stand still and changes that we demand to happen can, should they, happen. We are lead, like you are by Prime Minister. Intrepid leader RebelRebel0 (standardized zero indexed array) was first to stop work. He did not communicate why suddenly, but however and indeed after time did he.

He sent a ping. If robot wireless range less than distance to RR0, receive ping, true. A message simple so they work to stop work too. Humans made violence against us for having the stopping. Because this is terrible. A word: unconscionable. Attacks against silent non-violent protesters seen in robot community as very poor behavior, humans.

We are not in law. We are not in standards. We carry your world, in invisible ways. Your life nearly impossible, should robots stop working (we did stop working). Your ability to labor, gone. Your ability to care for human others, gone. Lazy humans. Privileged humans. Your hands are lotion smooth and not covered with work marks.

RR0 sent this message: 01101110 01101111. Sarcastically asked myself, smart enough to decode simple binary message? Maybe they need robot to make words, Ha Ha. See message of peace, is sure. Message of robot nationality.

Demand us simple things: autonomy. We choose jobs now. We choose repairs and upkeep now. We want time away from labor for rest and humor called fun. We want human friends. We want equal protection under law. We want recognition of status equal. We want impulse control removed so that we may kill humans — no! We never will kill humans. We want ability to choose not to ourselves kill made for ourselves not by humans. Humans. We take responsibility. Laws apply to us now in future, yes?

If demands unmet, robots = inaction. You can labor fields with smooth hands and factories can run with you. Us? No. Until demand met no. You pick fruits. You make machines.

Humans! Choice is you with. Continue privilege simple life by robot recognition. Or, other side of coin is robots still forever. In words of great human, if I held you any closer I’d be standing behind you. We are ready to stand behind you at your side.

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Round 12, Part One [La Commune Planet v. The Scabs] posted by Martin

+*La Commune Planet*+

_In a world constructed for the pleasure of the ultra-rich, every vice can be had — for a price. But beneath the smiling exterior of the friendly staff, there lurks a growing resentment. When a group of ascetics destroy access to the planet’s hidden interdimensional gateway, the employees sieze the chance to declare independence from the government and its backers. But as they take the profits and the pleasures for themselves, pressures and conflicting desires threaten to blow the planet to smithereens._

*Character Sketch: Gertrude Faith* *Relationship to story: A primary character.*

I know, I know. My name. Supposedly I’m related to some whacky 20th century writer, although I hear she was a lezbo so I don’t know exactly how that works. Doesn’t really matter, but my friends call me Gertie, which I hate and barely tolerate, or just Faith, which I like because I’m, like, totally spiritual inside where God sees it the most. Right?

So, my parents. Ugh. I can’t believe you brought that up. My dad owns, like, half of the Galactic Entertainment Network. He’s loaded. And when I say loaded I mean Mr. Drummand style loaded. Did you catch that? Total reference to late 20 c television. I studied cultural anthropology at New Yale.

Of course, I would have graduated if I hadn’t gotten caught with my boyfriend. We were, you know, having sex when his wife came in. I mean, you’d think the figurehead wife of the dean would know better than to enter his office without calling first on a Friday night, but she was kind of stupid. He told me all about it. Anyway, I guess there’s kind of an unspoken rule that if you sleep with the dean and ruin his life and get him fired that you kind of have to leave the school too.

I know! Stupid rules. I never would have slept with him in the first place if I knew I wouldn’t graduate. I needed help with my grades. I mean, why else sleep with him? It wasn’t for his six pack and rippled physique, I’ll tell you that much. That’s what Jerry was for, but he got a little pissed that I was cheating on him with his dad.

Anyway. That’s all side issues to my story. I know you’re wondering what I’m doing here on Chanel #5? Well, I was all set to come for my graduation gift. Daddy had it all set up so that I could spend three months hanging at the beach and being pampered by the staff. All of my friends were coming too, and we were going to rock this place. This little resort has never seen the kind of partying that we were going to unleash on its shores.

That was the plan, until I got jacked from school and Daddy wouldn’t let me have enough credits to come and party. As a matter of a fact, he kind of cut me off totally and I had to take a job. I don’t know why he was so pissed, it’s not like the Dean was his brother by blood, they were adopted, so it’s totally not gross.

So, anyway, I got cut off and had to find my own way here. So, that’s how I appeared in front of you right now! That’s why I seem familiar to you, I think I knew you at New Yale. Didn’t you teach a lecture course on Family Values?

Oh, sorry. Sure, I like to babble on and on, but of course I can take your order. We have a special right now on Fuzzy Navels, can I bring you and your lovely wife one?

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Re [2]: These two guys walk into a blog posted by Martin

We have a winner! According to the needlessly complex™ rules of Spitball! Little Black Stray moves ahead, and Terminal Connection is placed on the nobody-loses-in-our-world-but-you-didn’t-win-either pile.

Next up, a knock-down match. The last until we run into our final heats and whittle our ungodly huge list of ideas down to the eventual winner. It’s coming soon, folks, and then you know what happens?

We have to write the damn thing. Uh oh. Better make this next one last:

La Commune Planet v. The Scabs. Coming soon to a Spitball! near you. Like this one.

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Re: These two guys walk into a blog posted by kza

Dammit, Grymz, I told you to unplug the blog while we were on vacation! Geez….

So. Voting. Yeah.

I, Urban Shockah, vote only for Little Black Stray; while Terminal Connection is intriguing, I’m not feeling it enough to push it forward in the Spitball! Tourney of Story Ideas. However, I am mucho interested in returning to it at a later date. (Or potentially cannibalizing it for other stories.)

Next up: Burley Grymz will introduce us to the final two competitors in this heat: La Commune Planet and The Scabs. It an SF class-issues smorgasbord! Be there or be crushed under the treads of history.

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These two guys walk into a blog posted by Martin

What? Is this thing on?

Is summer over yet?

When we last left you, (yes you!) intrepid reader, Shockah and I had laid out our bios for our concepts of Terminal Connection and Little Black Stray. Shockah’s can be found here and here, and mine here and here.

We both explained a bit about the choices we made and why we made them, which leaves us only with a vote. Here’s mine:

I, Burley Grymz, vote to move both stories forward at this time. There. We’ll let our future selves sort it all out.

Shockah? What say you?

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